By Majella | The Stylery Co
‘Remember, no one really cares what you wear.’
Sounds harsh but in fact, could be the most liberating sentence you’ll read today.
Because if no one cares, then it doesn’t matter if you’re wearing the “right” skirt, or the “coolest” shoes, or the “on trend” brand. Because everyone is really only thinking about themselves.
It’s incredibly ironic – most of the women I know and have worked with are so often crippled by indecision, uncertainty, self doubt about their style choices. When in reality, most people will give you a fleeting glance and carry on with their day. They might perhaps pause for a nanosecond if you look amazing, or look a bit odd, or give off an air of awkwardness. But mostly, it’s almost complete indifference.
WHAT A RELIEF!
This means that you can now go back to dressing for you and you only.
Now comes the next hurdle – working out what that is exactly.
In my humble opinion, after 15 years in the styling industry, and helping thousands of women feel lit up and alive in their clothes – here’s what is important to consider.
In a nutshell, it all comes down to a few simple philosophies.
Learn to listen to yourself and start to understand what you like/dislike
Bring back that playful, creative, “who cares” type of attitude
Identity your current lifestyle needs
Don’t be scared to experiment, change your mind and get it wrong
Let’s explore these a little.
The first point is the most important because only YOU truly know what is going to work for you. I know I know, how annoying that you can’t just outsource this to someone who will decide everything for you (trust me – people think that’s what a stylist does – but it’s actually far more subtle than you realise).
Someone else can’t tell you what feels good – because they’re not wearing it. YOU ARE. So give yourself some time to decide if something feels good. We’re all in so much of a hurry these days that shopping, along with most things, is crammed into the smallest time frame possible.
When you get dressed, PAUSE, breathe, think about how it feels on your body. Do you like the colour? Does the fabric feel nice against your skin? Do you feel comfortable in the cut and length? What feels good and what doesn’t? Once you start identifying these things – it becomes much easier to do that as you shop.
In regards to the next point – no one wants to do the things in life that feel like a chore or are boring or uncomfortable. Shopping and getting dressed are the same. Make it fun. Picture yourself as an 80 year old – what would she say to you? Probably not “keep wearing those frumpy, ill-fitting cargo shorts” and definitely not “yes, buy more of those clothes that make you feel boring and old”. No, she would say “come on, life is short, time is precious, wear that pretty dress, add the lipstick, forget what the other mums will say. And please, for the love of god, buy new underwear that fits and has no holes!”
This next point is the practical one. There is no point having 11 ball gowns – if you never go to a ball. The same is true if you have 25 pairs of jeans but always choose a dress because you get hot and can’t work out what top to wear. Work out what you actually need for the activities in your life RIGHT NOW. Most of your time spent playing with kids? Find some super cute shorts, a fun hat, sassy sneakers and feminine tees and rock that look. Working from home? Invest in some sharp blazers and high quality tops so you look good in a ZOOM meeting, but find skirts and pants that allow you to feel comfy and relaxed while you work. BBQs and pub night more common than a fancy dinner out? Then get a sexy pair of jeans and a few flowy tops, add earrings and a low wedge and you’ll feel stylish without feeling OTT.
Also – please buy high quality for the items you wear the most. In leggings every day? Buy the best you can afford. In jeans all winter? Find a brand you love and watch for their sales. Need supportive bras? Buy these before you buy anything else! I mean it.
And the last is the best one.
Treat it like a game, understand your style will change, sometimes as quickly as your mood changes. Invest in getting some good quality basics that you always have on hand – but experiment with everything else. Borrow clothes off your friend and test out different colours, prints and fabrics. Go shopping in different stores and try on shapes and styles you wouldn’t normally. Scroll through Pinterest and look for ideas and inspiration.
But most importantly, remember, it’s only clothing. If you get it wrong, you can get it right.
And right for you will look completely different to right for someone else.
Style is the way you get to communicate with the world and express who you are. Sometimes you will be loud and colourful and bold. Sometimes you might be shy and reserved and want to be invisible. One day you’ll like blue and the next you’ll be drawn to blush pink. Learn to listen to what your body is saying – go towards what feels good. Put down and step back from what feels “off”. You’ll start to hear what you want to wear very quickly.
And if you still feel unsure, get help. Find someone who will help you learn at the same time as show you solutions.
And remember, no one really cares about what you wear. Wear what you want.
Your Fashion Stylist, Branding Consultant and Creator of Confidence